Dream Limericks

There was a young man who had dreams

Of wonderful get-rich-quick schemes

He rapidly paled

As every one failed

Nothing’s as good as it seems!

I’ve had a dream most of my life

With the country’s most wonderful wife

With not many tears

Over thirty-six years

And minimal trouble and strife.

You dream when you’re writing a book

That publishers all have a look

Proclaim it a smash

And provide lots of cash

You’re trapped like a fish on a hook!

Phone Hacking Limericks

The public just thrives on the scandal

When celebrities act like a vandal

They all give a shout

When the cheater’s found out

By the flickering light of a candle

The Murdoch’s ran  news of the world

Who’s naughtiness make your toes curled

They hacked into phones

And other unknowns

Now all of their empire’s unfurled.

The papers had fun with expenses

And MPs were made to jump fences

But now the worm’s turned

And reporters are burned

And editors now know what tense is.

We all want to know who’s to blame

It’s part of the piety game

But if we didn’t try

To make filth in the sty

The papers would not do the same!

36th Anniversary Ode

 

There are no words to show how much I care

To tell how much your love has meant to me.

The love that makes me feel as light as air

And from my troubles always sets me free.

Though I now may be the worse for wear

For you I’d always climb the highest tree.

You have made my life a thing of joy

Each moment filled with unremitting pleasure

You have been to me a favourite toy

With secret depths I know I cannot measure

I know that I’m a very lucky boy

With memories that I will always treasure

Your care for me I know will never cloy

And we can love each other at our leisure

Love You

Richard

Sarah's Leaving Ode

Spare a thought for Sarah, she has to be so good

A cheery word for everyone and never in a mood!

No sleeping in the sermons, no whisp’ring in the choir

Just pick up the pieces when the Rector starts to tire.

Spare a thought for Sarah, for Miriam and Sam

When we’ve really wound Mike up, they’ve had to keep him calm

And even in their private lives they must watch their Ps and Qs

For fear they’ll be in sermons or even in Good News!

Spare a thought for Sarah, I feel a need to say -

Was it wise to call me rude when we met on that first day?

A woman of discernment I’m sure you’ll all agree

But poets always have their say and satire comes for free!

Spare a thought for Sarah, with her expressive face

Sitting in the music group there is no hiding place.

Sometimes she’s embarrassed and others merely vexed

Wond’ring what family secrets would be preached on next

Spare a thought for Sarah, she’s done so much for us

And have you ever heard her moan or even make a fuss?

She started up our women’s group, they came from near and far

No wonder! She had named it for their favourite chocolate bar!

Spare a thought for Sarah, she likes to break the ice

At every Time Out meeting and she’s very, very nice.

She has a sense of humour, a really funny lass

I guess that you might need it when explaining Candlemass!

Spare a thought for Sarah, in our Christmas Choir

She sits among the altos but she can sing much higher!

She sounds just like an angel, she might as well have wings

She doesn’t need rehearsals, just comes along and sings!

Spare a thought for Sarah, she cannot really see

The doubts and insecurities that bother you and me!

She puts you in positions that fill your mind with fright

She says that you can do it – and then you find she’s right!

Spare a thought for Sarah, she’s full of good ideas

Moving on St Mary’s to another social phase

We’ve had Safari Suppers and treasure hunts galore

Pamper nights and swap shops and many, many more.

Spare a thought for Sarah, I’m sure that you’ll recall

Her sympathy and kindness have been a boon to all.

Though we’ll surely miss her she’ll be within our hearts.

We pray that God will bless her in other arts and parts.

Mike's Leaving Ode

A Farewell Sermon

It says it here in Genesis, “You’ve got to leave your home!”

And in obedience Abraham started out to roam.

No final destination, no knowledge of the route

But yet the man’s obedience was never in dispute!

First of all he listened and knew he couldn’t stay

He took his wives and children and headed on his way.

Secondly, he trusted, no thought of turning back

He herded all his livestock along a desert track.

Third of all, he acted, did all that he was told

Enabling God to work with him, His promises unfold.

Of course the books of Moses were orally passed on

Until the years of exile in ancient Babylon.

(More likely the Exile in Persia but it doesn’t rhyme!)

Written in Aramaic and later on in Greek

That might be of interest to some academic geek!

Whatever could this stirring tale mean for us today?

Could it be the reason that Mike is going away?

No more tales of uncle Harold who looked a bit like Dobby

But who attracted women as if it were a hobby!

No Sarah singing in the choir, no Miriam or Sam

Nobody to gloat to when Ireland win the Slam!

No more tales of football, when you had some hair

Or ministry in Derbyshire whenever you were there.

No stories of your blisters as you walked from coast to coast

Or sites within the Holy Land that you love the most.

All these tales and others will be told again

When you return to preaching (note not if but when!)

There is no doubt Mike listened when he received the call

Secondly he’s trusting that on his feet he’ll fall.

And finally he’s acting in faith and love and trust

Awaiting further guidance as every Christian must.

No doubt that we will miss him, his preaching and his lead

But know the Lord we follow will meet his every need.

We thank him for the way he’s been a good and trusted friend

And for the strength and diligence he’s shown us to the end.

He came to us when we were weak and almost torn apart

And leaves us much, much stronger with a loving open heart.

And we’d like to thank you for all the things you’ve done

All the things accomplished and all the things begun

We wish you and your family all the blessings God can give

That you forget your worries and in Christ’s glory live!

God Bless

Richard Fletcher

Christmas Ode 2010

                                

Now listen well, my children, as I tell the Christmas Story

A sordid but inspiring tale that somehow ends in Glory.

There was a lowly peasant girl waiting to be wed

No doubt with some romantic thoughts about her marriage bed!

She then found she was pregnant and she couldn’t name the dad

All her friends and family assumed that she’d been bad!

She told them all a story - how an angel came at night

And with his awesome presence the room was filled with light.

He told her she was pregnant and her son would surely be

The true salvation of the world, who’d set all people free.

She’d told him this was nonsense as she was a virgin still.

He smiled and told her not to fear, as this was Heaven’s will.

And in that magic moment the spirit moved in power

And Mary knew she’d have a son conceived within that hour.

She told them that her cousin would have a son as well.

As Elizabeth was barren their reaction you can tell!

For sure no one believed her – they laughed right in her face

And sent her to her cousin’s house to hide her big disgrace.

But then the story changes for her cousin leapt for joy,

For she had had a dream regarding Mary’s baby boy.

There was still a bigger problem for Joseph had to know

And for a proud and upright man this would be a blow!

The man was justly angry and could not understand

How his true beloved could be so underhand.

He had some trouble sleeping as he pondered what to do

But then he had a visit from that mighty angel too!

He was told that Mary’s baby was a joy to all the earth

And that he should protect her for all that he was worth.

He took her to his birthplace as the Roman law required

So they could be counted. by the tellers Caesar hired.

There was no place to stay in as the little town was full

And for accommodation they had no special pull.

They camped out in a cow shed with all it’s muck and grime

And that was where the boy was born that Holy Christmas time.

There is no recollection of the pain there must have been

Nor none describe the anguish of that squalid birthday scene.

But yet we know that somehow when the birthing pains were done

They could be quite happy that God’s purpose had begun.

The Angel gathered shepherds from the fields above the town

And called them in to witness that strange king without a crown.

Then they guided Magi over many weary miles

To give this king their presents with payment of his smiles.

They had to flee the country to avoid a murderous plot

And wait till Mary’s scandal had been quite forgot.

The boy would grow up safely and the plot would be unfurled

He’d fulfil his destiny as the saviour of the world.

So as you eat your dinner with your presents all around

Spare a thought for Jesus and where he may be found.

Not in the lap of luxury that belongs to you and me

But in the muck and squalor so that all men may be free.

Happy Christmas

The Spirit of Christmas (A cautionary tale of Ebenezer Fletcher)

 Every Christmas he was more

Grumpy than he’d been before

He’d snap the head off anyone

Who thought they’d have a bit of fun

He’d shout if he was asked to do

Anything like clean the loo!

Everyone was scared to ask

For help with any household task.

They shook their heads and wrung their hands

When he refused their mild demands

Then one year he went too far

He shouted at them in his car!

Now you should know that fam’ly cars

Have Spirits who have magic powers!

That night the car arranged a treat

For Ebenezer in his seat.

The doors were locked and on his screen

Appeared to him the oddest scene

He saw himself on Christmas day

Enjoying the most merry play

He was a little boy in bed

With lots of presents round his head

He must have been the bestest boy

For Santa brought him every toy

A little boy could dream about

He woke his mum with merry shout!

Then the scene was blurred and changed

And round him two young kids were ranged

Mid squeals of joy and shouts of glee

Toys were unwrapped for all to see

These children too must have been good  

(Or Santa in forgiving mood!)

The parent’s eyes meet up above

The children’s lives are filled with love.

Once again the picture blurs

And another scene occurs.

A Christmas day with Grandchild there

And granddad with the whitest hair!

Again the little girl has been

The goodest girl you’ve ever seen

For Santa has left gifts galore

No little girl could ask for more.

The picture changes. It gets cold

For this Christmas he is old.

Much older than he is today

And he has no time for play

He’s even meaner than he’s been

The meanest man you’ve ever seen.

No one comes round on Christmas day

All his kids have gone away.

His Grandchild also doesn’t come

For he no longer is her chum

His wife just leaves him on his own

She doesn’t like to hear him moan.

Ebenezer blinks his eyes

And gasps aloud in great surprise.

The Spirits message is quite clear

He cannot wait another year

He must reform without delay

Or for his meanness he will pay.

He found that he could leave the car

And didn’t wait a single hour

He kissed his wife and hugged his kids

And started banging dustbin lids.

He waltzed his grandchild round the floor

And was his sunny self once more.

He did the things that he’d been tasked

Just as soon as he was asked.

With sunny smile and merry jest.

All in all he was the best!

Now Ebenezer ever since

Has been the most obliging prince.

He smiles and thanks his God above

For all the world He’s filled with love.

To the most loving family a man could have -

Merry Christmas

God Bless

Richard

34th Anniversary Ode

Oh Happy day that brought your love to me

That filled my lonely soul with love’s desire

And Cupid smiled and set his arrow free

To set two peoples fragile hearts on fire

A love like ours was always meant to be

A comfort when the fickle fates conspire.

Thou art the joy that fills my heart anew

With every day that passes since we met

Advisor when I know not what to do

And comfort when my world is overset.

My hope when all the world is in despair

Support when none but you can see my pain

Your warmth that makes me feel as free as air

Your love will always be my chiefest gain.

YOUR LIGHT

Show me your light, Oh Lord

I cannot find my way.

Show me your light, Oh Lord

Tell me what to say.

I am confused and troubled

Anger haunts my soul.

I am lost, dejected

but you can make me whole.

My life has lost its meaning,

my heavy heart despairs.

I now require spring cleaning

and bodywork repairs.

Where is your light, Oh Lord

I cannot find my way.

Where is your light, Oh Lord

Tell me what to say.

When I look round your people,

their faces all aglow.

Under tower or steeple,

singing there below.

A warmth enfolds my being,

my bitter thoughts recede.

My heart is filled with gladness.

You are my Lord indeed.

I now have felt your love, Lord.

I now can find your way.

Walking in your light, Lord,

You'll tell me what to say.

I want to know you more, Lord.

Forgive me for my fears.

I want to walk with you, Lord,

through all the passing years.

I know that if I' m weary

and stray along the road,

My Father will forgive me

and share my heavy load.

Keep me in your love, Oh Lord.

Always in your way.

Shining in your light, Oh Lord

each and every day.

An Ode for William Mather

Just William

Hello my name is William, I’m from the planet earth

And I’ve a lifetime’s mission to spread merriment and mirth.

Everywhere I’ve travelled they all remember me

For days so full of laughter and nights so full of glee.

All of those who met me I’m sure they will recall

A most infectious giggle and a smile for one and all!

I started courting Libby, worshipped from afar

For I was neither witty nor yet a sporting star.

I wasn’t much at dancing, I couldn’t play the flute

And I couldn’t catch her, she was so fleet of foot.

Yet she was just like putty. I’m so cute and small

With a most infectious giggle and a smile for one and all!

Of course I’m an evangelist and talk of this or that

And when I go out walking I wear a funny hat.

I’m learning to be serious as vicars ought to be

But then I just remember the gifts God gave to me.

When sermons become boring and they begin to pall

I’ve a most infectious giggle and a smile for one and all!

They sent me to West Bletchley for a carnival one day

With pads of drawing paper, I was meant to play.

I sat and drew for hours with a quick and agile pen

Friends were clucking round me like a broody mother hen.

I had no need of respite. I always heed the call

For a most infectious giggle and a smile for one and all!

When we pray on We’n’sdays, around the break of dawn

Other hardy prayers just hide a weary yawn.

We pray with great solemnity for all St Mary’s folk

But always I remember you have to have a joke.

With a steaming cup of coffee, in the kitchen, by the wall

I’ve a most infectious giggle and a smile for one and all!

I’m searching for some ‘Street Cred’ almost every day

It’s lucky I’ve got Libby to help me on my way.

She reminds me of appointments and keeps my socks in pairs.

She even has to tell me to go up or down the stairs.

As an asset to the kingdom I’m not a bit like Paul

I’ve a most infectious giggle and a smile for one and all!

I’ve been around the country and on the mission field

I’ve been to war torn countries and prayed that they’d be healed.

I’ve penned both poems and pictures of all the things I’ve seen

And shared their hope and horror everywhere I’ve been.

And filling all my lectures in every church or hall

There’s a most infectious giggle and a smile for one and all!

Now I’m off to pastures new, life surely won’t be dull.

It isn’t Hell or Halifax. I’ve just been called to Hull.

There’s plenty in the parish who do not know me yet.

There’s other folk in Bletchley who will not soon forget!

An unassuming minister, quite slim and not too tall

With a most infectious giggle and a smile for one and all!

The Greatest Christian

We’ve had the “Greatest Briton” vote

It wasn’t really fair

Was it only me that noticed

The Celtic fringe weren’t there?

No thought of William Wallace

Or even Jamie Watt.

No Glendower or Bernard Shaw

Or Rabbie Burns – what rot!

Still it made great telly

And the kids might just have learned

A little bit of history

And that freedom must be earned.

I’ve got another idea –

The “Greatest Christian Ever”

What a programme that would be.

A fabulous endeavour!

Let’s hear it for St. Richard

He’s got a perfect name

His work improving clergy

May be his claim to fame.

We use his prayer quite often.

It encourages us to strive

To be more close to Jesus

While we are alive.

There’s the children’s favourite,

St. Nicholas of course.

A man of generosity

And quite dynamic force.

He never had a reindeer

Nor even Christmas elves.

But yet it is his influence

That  empties toy-store shelves!

St. Paul was a fanatic

Filled with Holy zeal.

Pained with an affliction

Not even Luke could heal.

Had little time for women,

Wrote lots and lots of rules.

But yet his expose on Love

Is one of life’s great tools

You might consider Lizzie Fry.

Not C of E like us!

A Quaker to her finger tips.

She knew how to make a fuss.

It didn’t make her popular

They said she ought to stay

At home to raise her family

Or go to church and pray!

It might be your favourite minister

Or the one who writes the hymns.

Or those who overcome the loss

Of health, or wealth, or limbs.

We all will have a picture

Of the one that we admire

It could be to their humility

Or faith that we aspire.

John might be the only choice

For those on Mission bent.

He speaks with so much certainty

On every great event.

He implied that Jesus loved him

More than any other

But at the end, beside the cross,

He comforted Christ’s mother.

Theresa of Calcutta

Has her proponents too.

As well as those who told her

What she ought not to do!

She lived her live in poverty

Sharing all she had

With those who lived in squalor

And it didn’t make her sad.

Then you could take Barnabas

He didn’t take a lead

He just encouraged others

To do the mighty deed.

He didn’t look for glory

He always stood aside

Working in the background.

Never puffed with pride.

Then, my favourite, Peter

Who tried so hard to do

All that he imagined

His Lord would want him to.

He made so many errors.

Forever falling short.

And yet he always tried again

As any Christian ought.

We cannot all be preachers

With the wit to coin a phrase.

But we can all reflect our joy

In giving God the praise.

We cannot all be martyrs

Or rid the world of sin.

But we can all win converts

With a self-effacing grin!

There is no “Greatest Christian”.

We all must do our bit

Be it cleaning toilets

or using native wit.

There is a place for all of us.

Each and every one!

God’s love is all around us.

That’s why he sent his Son!